The Office: 4x08

The Office

4x08
The Deposition
and
QUOTES

What do you do when your favorite television show airs an absolute gem of an episode and then goes off the air indefinitely?

Tell me!

I chose to put off watching it as long as possible, because honestly, this week was funny, heartfelt and a little bit of everything I love about Dunder Mifflin, but it wasn't anything akin to a season finale. I refuse to accept it as a season finale. Or acknowledge it as one. The entire 22 minutes, all I could think was - what if The Strike steals my season. Where will it pick up next year? Will they skip all those months ahead? What about the tease we were given for the next episode - the one where they had their best table read ever?

So, Michael. See, I love him. I really, truly do. From the cold open with the Post-Its (hysterical), to the deposition and his diary, he has absolutely NO social skills, but if you're loyal to him, he's loyal - to an almost creepy fault - to you. It should be interesting to see how (if we ever get to) his actions at the deposition filter down into what he and Jan have going on. Plus, I laughed for days at some of his lines (see quotes post) - and then, the pushing Toby's tray off the table. CLASSIC. You know I love some Michael/Toby hate and just when poor Toby was sharing his heart ... Michael reconfirms all the reasons why Toby asked Kelly what it felt like to slap her boss.

Jim and Pam are still the cutest. And even if her boyfriend is 12, Pam has it a million times better than Kelly, who has to resort to talking smack - not trash - in order to feel good about her relationship. And the guys, all they wanted to do was play... I definitely enjoyed the Dwight commentary and expertise on the game and the tag at the end with him and Mose was hysterical. Alas, if I dwell to long on any of this goodness, it makes my heart ache with emptiness.

***

Jan: We went over it carefully … and just so that we wouldn’t leave anything up to chance or Michael’s judgement.

Pam: Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is twelve.

Kelly: What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?

Kelly: I don’t talk trash. I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, “Your momma is so fat, she could eat the Internet.” But smack talk is, happening like, right now. Like, “you’re ugly and I know it for a fact, ’cause I got the evidence. Right there.”

Pam: Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl's beating you.
Jim: What? Seriously? What's she saying.

Kelly: Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.

Kelly: Were Jim’s parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?

Jim: Bring me players.

Michael: Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?
Toby: Michael I'm your HR rep. I'm on your side.
Michael: Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.

Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at.

Lawyer: How long have you known the plaintiff?
Michael: I haven’t actually seen it, but I have seen The Firm, and I’m planning on renting The Pelican Brief.

Lawyer: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Michael: Six years and two months.
Lawyer: And you were directly under her the entire time?
Michael: That’s what she said.
Lawyer: Excuse me?
Michael: (slowly) That’s what she said.

Michael: Come again? That’s what she said.

Michael: Delivery’s all wrong. She’s butchering it.

Lawyer: Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?
Michael: She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what, I call them.
Lawyer: Can you be more specific. Who are the twins?
Michael: To be delicate, they hang off milady’s chest. They … make milk.
Lawyer: You don’t have to go any further.

Michael: And frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.

Michael: Well, it depends on how you define “begin.”

Michael: Line.
Lawyer: I’m sorry, what?
Executive: He asked for a line, like in a play.

Court reporter: [reading transcript] Mr. Scott do you realize you just contradicted yourself. I did? Yes you did. Can I go to the bathroom? No. I really have to I've been drinking lots of water. You went five minutes ago. That wasn't to go to the bathroom that was to get out of a question. You still have to answer it. First can I go to the bathroom. No.

Michael: I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.

Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hee hee.”

Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “More tomorrow. XOXO, Michael.”

Toby: Um … could you make it 11?

Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.”

Michael (reading Jan’s statement): “I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks.”

Dwight: He has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.

Dwight: He works here, dumb ass.

Lawyer (reading David Wallace’s statement): “What do you want me to say? C’mon, he’s a nice guy.”

Kelly: The floppy-haired girl you date won a point.

Michael: You expect to get screwed by your company. But you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.

House: 4x07

HOUSE

4x07
Ugly

More Chase this week - good start. But honestly, after finishing, I'm more interested in discussing next week's preview than this week's episode (House collapsing, 13 with tremors, Criss Angel wannabe) - even though there were some fabulous moments tonight (quotes below).

Speaking of Chase, he and Cameron are boring me. I know Jesse and Jen broke up and with new characters, there's not as much time, but COME ON! We invested in their relationship for three years. And nothing. You know, besides her getting all hot and bothered about House and discussing it with Chase. On camera. *sigh*

And I'm not really sure what the point was in bringing the CIA doctor into the mix - other than proving that Thirteen is smart and solidifying her as one of the final fellows and not just a pretty face. I mean, we all know House likes the ladies and the inappropriate comments (I maintain that he and Cuddy are hot for each other), so why bring this chick in for two episodes just to tell us what we already knew?

Amongst it all, there are still some things I can count on, and while there has been a shocking lack recently, House and Wilson together continues to be one of the consistently funny rocks of the show. I love it. Seriously. I want to be friends with them.

In other news, I really wanted Cuddy's outfit tonight. So cute. What? I know it has nothing to do with plot or story, but I don't care.

Who doesn't like Patch Adams?

Camerawoman: Pretend we're not here.
House: If I do that, won't I bump into you?

House: It's a joke. See, I became a doctor because of the movie, Patch Adams.

House: I think she might be an idiot.

House: She was able to identify that they were good ideas.
Wilson: Stab in the dark, here. Is she pretty?
House: She's new. She's nervous.
Wilson: She's a C cup.

House: Hey, hey, hey, hey! You have an all access pass to the case, not my Fave Five.

Wilson: Thirteen's pretty. You're obviously okay with her.
House: She killed a patient.
Wilson: The Bitch is pretty.
House: The Bitch is a bitch.
Wilson: Ask her out.
House: The Bitch? She's a bitch.

Wilson: Pretty girl kill again?

House: 4x04

House

4x04
Guardian Angels

Strange. This photo was labeled, "Season 4 Cast Promo." If that's the season four cast, why am I spending entire episodes seething at Cutthroat Bitch and reluctantly becoming more attached to 13, while Chase enters the frame for all of 90 seconds?

I need my team. I need their interaction with House. There. I said it.

Still, I love this show. And I'm willing to let it take it's time, bring them all slowly back into the same realm (read: Princeton Plainsboro), but I'm going to need some trade offs. More Wilson, please. More Chase/Cameron interaction (if they can't be with House, at least let me see them together). More Cuddy/House... everything.

I'd also like Cutthroat Bitch to go away. Far, far away.

The good...

1. House's Angels.

2. The Bachelor. When House walked in with those flowers at the end of the episode, I felt the corners of my mouth turn up. Classic. (Much like the Survivor spoof a few weeks before.)

3. The interaction between House and Cole. The beliefs, the kid, all of it. I love how House can't stand not know anything... no matter what it is. Great bet with Cameron to carry the storyline forward, but in the end, just like House, I enjoy seeing someone stand up to him, earn his respect. Plus, it provided a plethora of inappropriate jokes and comments.

4. Cuddy seeing through Cutthroat Bitch's brown nosing avoidance.

5. Newbies in the cemetery.

The bad...

Not enough Chase. Not enough Cameron. Not enough Foreman interacting with the right people! It just doesn't work for me. I can't invest in the lives and stories of these characters and then have it come to an abrupt halt. It's one thing when you kill them off, but it's another completely to leave them there, within my reach, but out of my grasp!

Just a few quotes

Cuddy: The doctor's lounge is covered in mud.
House: Thirteen and Cutthroat Bitch had a disagreement, cafeteria was out of Jello.
Cuddy: There were pickaxes. Either you had them dig up a body, or you're building a railroad.

House: Big Love, have I humiliated you in the last hour?
Cole: No.
House: Check your email.

House: You punch your boss and stick around?
Cole: Just give me the flower and shut up.

House: Sorry, Henry. We had some giggles.

Friday Night Lights: 2x03

Friday Night Lights

2x03
Are You Ready for Friday Night?

Another quality episode of FNL. If people don't start watching this show, I'm gonna organize some sort of march on Austin. (Not really, but I'd think about it a lot.) I maintain their DVD guarantee that you'll be hooked after one episode. Seriously... Jenna Fischer joined the train after much persuasion from Angela. People from The Office are rarely wrong.

Dillon needs its golden boy...

Coach: Seriously, I've never been one to agree, unquestionably, with Buddy Garrity, but he's right, Eric needs to come home. He's trying so hard to build and mold the boys at TMU - something their staff doesn't understand or care for. But that's what Eric does - and why we love him. Meanwhile, Glenn's got his hands in Tami's icebox, Julie's in the midst of a teenage melt down and his team needs him. Saracen needs him. (I mean, all the others too, but we all know Coach loves Matt the best.) I'm sensing college ball is not exactly living up to the dream Eric imagined and his deal with the Devil to come back to Dillon, may not be a smooth a road as we'd like, but it's the path he needs to be on. Should be interesting to see how they get rid of crazy town coach...

Julie: Is she really that much of a brat? I mean, she didn't get it from her parents, and I know it's been a hard year and she's a teenager and it all feels strange and confusing and the perfect time to act out, but honestly... "I think your baby's crying," is just bitchy. And the Swede. The SWEDE? Stop being something you're not. Ugh. I'm all about the slap from Tami. Sure, she's stressed and taking some of it out on Julie, but Julie needs a wake up call... like life isn't hard for anyone in the Taylor family but her? Natural teenage self-centeredness that drives me up the wall. Step up, kid.

Tyra and Landry: I'm just not sure what I think. The "morning after" scene was expectedly awkward and strange, but so are they - and I was not the least bit surprised they continued to be friends despite it. I like them for that. I like them as friends. Friends. As twisted as it is, I really liked the scene between them in the watch store, even if they were there, you know, because Landry lost his watch at the scene of a crime. I just don't get how he still functions as Landry with that on his mind. As for the ending, Tyra showing up, more kissing... I have no doubt that she truly cares for Landry, but I only see this ending in disaster.

Matt: If you hook up with the nurse, I will steal your football jersey. Just stop it. Writers, this is a terrible plot device. Don't do it. Also, on a side note, angry works well for Saracen.

Tim Riggins: First off, I think it's important to acknowledge the first shot of him in this episode. Shirtless. Duly noted? Okay, so I fail to see why Rig is constantly being heckled by the new coach. I guess it's the coming to practice drunk and not working like he's supposed to, but the dude needs to chill out before he kills the kid. Of course, what does Riggins care, he had Buddy rescue him and a trip to church with Lyla. I like seeing Riggins wrestling with something that I think he might have actually been a little affected by - but still seeing it as a way to get closer to Lyla. Totally believable. I'll leave my thoughts on he and Street, to the Street section, but needless to say, it seems Riggins is circling the bottom of the barrel.

Lyla: I continue to be impressed by how they're handling this storyline. It's not over the top or ridiculous - Christianity does change people's lives and it can be done without the judgment often associated with the experience, so I admire Lyla's new convictions, and I think it's fantastic she's still reaching out to Tim. But she's still reaching out to Tim... so I'm pretty sure they're gonna hook back up. Something we can all be happy about.

Street: I feel for him. He takes his job seriously and is thrown a bone by the coach, only to see it didn't really matter in the end - he's still the mascot. (Just wait 'til Coach Taylor comes back and you are a coach - fair and square.) I don't know what to think about this whole Mexico/surgery/trip with Riggins. I think a lot of his anger toward Riggins comes from Street being upset that Tim takes what he has for granted - what Street can't have - and it pisses him off. Would me too. As for this surgery. DANGER. DANGER. I'm really wondering what's about to go down... whatever it is, I sort of love the fights he and Tim get in, because they never seem to stick. "You could've knocked, Six." and "Put it away... we're still in Texas. Idiot."

Buddy Garrity: The great motivator. "You listen to me Tim Riggins (stole that line from Bo), I've seen you play with a hangover many times and you played like a champ." Way to mentor, Buddy.

Smash: The Smash is back and loving the attention of the new coach's running game. He's also not worried about what it means to see his team being torn apart, or how it might feel to pull the rug out from under Matty. (In his defense, he is a senior and he wants to prove himself and get a scholarship, etc.) Still, it was good to see The Smash get some air time again. But I'm wondering... where's Waverly? Back in therapy? Another character we've seen no mention of... what is the deal?


Favorite exchange of the night...

Eric: Who's that?
Tami: That's Glenn, darlin.
Eric: What's Glenn doin' at the house?
Tami: Glenn is here, helping me at the moment, trying to get the ice maker to work.
Eric: I don't want Glenn over at the house, with his hands in my wife's icebox. Just tell him to leave it alone, I'll fix it when I get home on the weekend.
Tami: Alright, sweetheart, that'll be great. Well, um, is that what you called to talk to me about?
Eric: No. Listen, did you forget to tell me that Julie and Matt broke up?
Tami: No, Julie and Matt didn't break up.
Glenn: Yeah, they did. It's all over the school, it's huge, everybody's talking about it.
Eric: Hey babe, tell Glenn to sit down and be quiet.

I declare... BANKRUPCY!

The Office
4x04: Money
QUOTES

Michael: Steak! Where’s my steak!

Michael: Get me Armani.
Pam: A suit?
Michael: On the phone.
Pam: Like the main company number because I’m gonna have to call information.
Michael: Where’s Armani? He’s on the phone. Too slow. You’re not going to Paris. I’m so much better than you.

Pam: He’s watching Million Dollar Baby. He’s gonna try to kill me.

Michael: At the end of my life, when I’m sitting on my yacht, am I gonna be thinking about how much money I have? No, I’m going to be thinking about how many friends I have, and my children, and my comedy albums. I mean, I have a yacht, so I obviously did pretty well money-wise.

Dwight: Schrute Farms. Guttentag. How can I help you?

Dwight: We make our own mattresses that don’t conform to the traditional sizes. Closest would be twin.

Jim: Hey Dwight.
Dwight: None of your business, Jim.
Jim: You running a Bed and Breakfast?
Dwight: It is not a B & B.

Dwight: Agrotourism is a lot more than a bed and breakfast. It consists of tourists, coming to a farm, showing them around, giving them a bed, giving them breakfast.

Jim: Does the Department of Health know about this?
Dwight: I am not telling you anything. Permits are pending.

Pam: Hello, I’m looking for a room.
Dwight: Okay. This is a misuse of company phones.

Jan: Why don’t you just pretend that you have a car?

Dwight: I was recently scrubbing my room of memories and I didn’t see it there.

Jim: What do you got going on tonight?

Michael: You wouldn’t understand. It’s a secret.
Jim: I wouldn’t understand, or it’s a secret?
Pam: You wouldn’t understand, Jim. It’s a secret.

Pam: The Beets Motel.
Jim: The Beets Motel? That is… wow.
Pam: Thank you.
Pam: The Embassy Beets. Radish Inn.
Jim: How are you doing this?

Michael: I took this second job kind of as a hobby.

Dwight: We have three rooms, each with a different theme.
Pam: What are the themes?
Dwight: America, irrigation, and night time.
Pam: Irrigation.
Jim: Nice.

Dwight: Now then, do you have any special needs or dietary restrictions?
Jim: Yes, we will be requiring a bedtime story.
Dwight: No.
Jim: Not even Harry Potter?

Dwight: As of this morning, we are completely wireless here at Schrute Farms. But as soon as I find out where Mose hid all the wires, we’ll get that power back on.

Jim: Mmm, I’d say one in six.
Pam: What?
Jim: Oh, I thought you asked me what our chances were of being murdered here tonight.

Jim: You know, I just realized, this is Pam’s and my first night away together. I used to play it over in my head and it was just a little bit different. Maybe a nice hotel, or a romantic dinner. Wine. But wine that wasn’t made out of beets. Didn’t think Dwight would be involved at all. And I always imagined less manure. I mean, some manure. Just … less.

Stanley: When I’m at home at night, in my own house, in my sweat streakers and red wine, watching my mystery stories, the last thing I want in the whole Godforsaken world is the voice of Michael Scott.

Michael: Medical school must have cost like $40 or a donkey or something.

Michael: I would have been chief of surgery. Or a cowboy.

Pam: Oh, my God, what century is this?

Dwight: I am better than you have ever been or ever will be.

Michael: Power point, power point, power point.

Michael: And up comes the tool bar. That’s what she said.

Michael: “Estimated time, 12 minutes.” So this should take about five or ten minutes.

Michael: What I do between 5:30pm and 1am is nobody’s business but mine and my other businesses.
Jim: Are you a cocktail waitress?

Michael: Whomever is never actually right.
Jim: Well, sometimes it’s right.
Creed: Michael is right. It’s a made up word used to trick students.
Andy: No, actually, whomever, is the formal version of the word.
Oscar: Obviously it’s a real word, but I don’t know when to use it correctly.
Michael: Not a native speaker.
Kevin: I know what’s right, but I’m not gonna say, because you’re all jerks who didn’t come see my band last night.
Ryan: Do you actually know which one is correct.
Kevin: I don’t know.
Pam: It’s whom when it’s the object of the sentence and who when it’s the subject.
Phyllis: That sounds right.
Michael: Well, it sounds right, but is it?
Stanley: How did Ryan use it, as an object?
Ryan: As an object.
Kelly: Ryan used me as an object.
Stanley: Is he right about that…
Pam: How did he use it again?
Toby: It was… Ryan wanted Michael, the subject, to explain the computer system, the object, to whomever, meaning us, the indirect object. Which is the correct usage of the word.
Michael: No one asked you anything ever, so whomever’s name is Toby, why don’t you take a letter opener and stick it in your skull.

Pam: What’s up?
Andy: Me. All night. Dreaming about Angela’s smoking hot body.
Pam: You’re being gross.
Andy: Not from a male perspective. You need to set me up with her. I know she told you that she’s looking and she’s totally not responding to my moves.
Pam: What moves?
Andy: I have moonwalked past accounting, like, ten times.
Pam: I can’t believe that’s not working. I don’t know if I really see you two together.
Andy: Really? Well, maybe you should look in the smart part of your brain.

Pam: She can be kind of severe.
Andy: Yeah, and I punched a hole in a wall.
Pam: That’s right, you did.

Pam: Now that I think about it, Angela and Andy might actually make a good couple. But I couldn’t do that to Dwight. Or Angela. Or Andy.

Michael: Okay, I know what’s going on. You’re talking about Jim and Pam. If they’re having sex. What it looks like, and I think…
Pam: Michael.

Oscar: Michael, are you having money problems?
Michael: Monkey problems. No, I’m not having monkey problems.
Oscar: I know you heard me correctly.
Michael: Ohhh, I hate monkeys.

Michael: I don’t have a second job. Maybe I am having an affair with Suzanne Somers.
Pam: Doesn’t Jan have money?
Michael: I don’t talk to my girlfriend about money. It is rude and unsexual.

Darryl: You need to access your uncrazy side.

Kelly: Darryl Philbin is the most complicated man I have ever met. I mean, who says exactly what they’re thinking. What kind of game is that?

Creed: You don’t go by Monopoly man, that game is nuts. Nobody just picks up “Get out of jail free” cards. Those things cost thousands.
Michael: That is a good point.
Creed: Bankruptcy, Michael, is nature’s do-over, it’s a clean slate.
Michael: Like a witness protection program.
Creed: Exactly.
Oscar: Not at all.

Michael: I’ve always wanted to be in the witness protection program.

Oscar: Hey, I just wanted you to know, that you can’t just say the word bankruptcy and expect anything to happen.
Michael: I didn’t say it; I declared it.

Pam: “Table-making never seemed so possible.”

Angela: Nothing fancy or foreign. No bars, no patios, no vegetables. And no seafood.

Jim: Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton? Yeah, I didn’t think I had. Well, it was all about Pam. Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy, and I just couldn’t take it. I mean, I lost it, Dwight. I couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t concentrate on anything. And then weird stuff, like, food had no taste. So my solution was to move away. It was awful. And it is something that I wouldn’t wish on my worst enemy. And that includes you.

Pam: Jim’s just really passionate about Italian food.

Jim: Yep, I’m very passionate about Italian food. In fact, um, I’m in love with Italian food.

Michael: This is who I am now… a guy on a train with no answers. I hope that can be enough for you.

Michael: Don’t sell your implants, please.

A wopping 52 reams!

The Office

4x03: Launch Party
QUOTES

Jim: There’s this cube on the screen that bounces around all day, and sometimes, it looks like it’s headed right into the corner of the screen and at the last minute, it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. (shakes head) Pam claims that she saw it one day, when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.

Pam: I saw it! I saw it, and it was amazing! Who said I didn’t see it? Did Jim say that I didn’t see it? I saw it!

Michael: Today’s the big day that I’m heading to New York to attend a party with sushi and important people. On an unrelated note, if anybody has an interesting anecdote that is not boring, and easy to memorize, please drop by my office before I leave.

Jim: Whoops. Is that really what Ryan wanted you to tell us?

Michael: The website is a brainchild of my brainchild, Ryan. It is my brain grandchild.

Kelly: That’s from Ryan? Does it mention if he’s seeing anybody?

Michael: No, it doesn’t. I’ll find out tonight.

Stanley: Yes, please let us know.

Pam: Dwight mercy killed Angela’s cat. It’s very complicated. It’s caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who were both already prone to unpleasantness.

Andy: And then I will say something positive, like “kudos” or “job well done.”
Jim: Or “zip-a-dee-doo-dah.”

Andy: I can’t tell if he’s mocking me.

Dwight: Just ignore him.

Andy: Can’t do that. It’s really hard for me to let things go.

Jim: I was. Mocking.

Andy: Thank you.

Dwight: I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.

Andy: Yes! Like a chime or a bell…

Jim: Or a gong.

Dwight: Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside, you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.

Phyllis: Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw. So I Googled, (whispering) ‘How to deal with difficult people,’ and I got all of this. So we’re gonna try out some new things today.

Phyllis: So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says “lunch”?

Angela: I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.

Phyllis: I’m so sorry to hear that, that must be awful.

Michael: Wow, easy, booster seat, nobody cares about this party anyway.

Jim: What would you say if I told you we could pull a prank on Dwight, and at the same time, not be working? What?

Pam: He’s going through a break up.

Jim: Yeah, I’m aware of that, but he’s also being super annoying, and… I’m not a perfect person.

Dwight: [airhorn] Woohoo! Three reams! In your face, machines!

Pam: What kind of prank are you thinking?

DunMiff/sys (Jim): Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.

Dwight: How do I know this isn’t Jim?

DunMiff/sys (Pam): What is a Jim?

Dwight: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes.

Dwight: I did so well last February, that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.

Pam: Yes, it’s too tight.

Kelly: Waaaay too tight.

Oscar: Really? This is why I’m here?

Kelly: Why is it so tight?

Michael: It’s European cut.

Michael: How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7?

Michael: Do I have your permission to invite Carol?

Andy: Okay, why don’t you just lay off, lady?

Michael: So, this is the dealio. God has smiled on me and given me two tickets to the big party in New York tonight. What are you doing this evening? (Jim and Pam look at each other, smiling.) Look at that, they have their own little language now. Twins.

Jim: Sure, we’ll go.

Michael: Alright, well, fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy, but boy’s night out is also good.

Jim: Wait, I’m sorry…

Pam: One of the tickets is for him.

Michael: Just let me know who the winner is.

Pam and Jim: Not it.

Jim: Nope…

Pam: I won.

Jim: Definitely not. If anything, it was a tie.

Pam: Tie goes to the girlfriend.

DunMiff/sys (Jim): While you were typing that, I searched every database in existence, and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. And sold more paper.

Phyllis: I want to understand what you’re saying, but it’s difficult for me when you use that tone.

Angela: Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks. Which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?

Michael: Alright, I’m ready to go and I’m calling shotgun.

Jim: I’m driving.

Michael: Yes. Thank you.

Jim: Alright, let me just say goodbye to Pam.

Michael: Oh yeah, you better, you better say goodbye to Pam. (in a high voice) Bye. I love you. (makes smooching noises)

Michael: It’s a club called Chatroom, and there’s a password to get in, which is actually, “password.”

Jim: Mmmkay.

Michael: What are you doing?

Jim: Um, that, is an invitation to an online party.

Jim: Are there three W’s at the beginning of the address?

Michael: Yes.

Angela: How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well what if the recipient is your notary?

Angela: I would like to have a relationship with a man.

Pam: Um… I’ll get back to you.

Dwight: I think you should date Kelly.

Andy: How is that any different, she works here, too.

Dwight: Uh, she works in the annex. You’re also welcome to date Toby.

Andy: They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really. Well then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.

Michael: I’m not kidnapping him. I am keeping him until I get what I want.

Jim: As a hostage.

Michael: I think you’re over-thinking it.

Jim: I think you’re under-thinking it.

Jim: Hey, quick question. If I take a pizza, do you think you could take some sodas and some napkins up to the roof?

Pam: I’m all over it.

Jim: Okay.

Jim: Do you remember what you said to me, on my first day of work, before you walked me toward my desk?

Pam: Yeah. Enjoy this moment, because you’re never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate, Dwight.

Jim: And that’s when I knew. You?

Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, “This might sound weird, and there’s no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.”

Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?

Pam: Yep.

Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?

Pam: Nope.

Jim: No…

Michael: Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer, so take that ***hole.

Pushing Daisies: 102

Pushing Daisies
1x02
Dummy

I. Love. This. Show.

I love how it looks. I love how it sounds. I love the strange, funny, quirky sense of humor it maintains. I love the narrator and the yearly countdown. I just... love.

One of my favorite things is the dialogue. But more than that, the delivery... especially on Ned's part. For instance, in this episode we see Ned and Chuck, cute as pie, in matching twin beds, with matching smiles on their happy faces:

Chuck: Is this strange?
Ned: This is not strange. Unusual, maybe, eccentric, in a quaint way, like dessert spoons.

And if Lee Pace continues to look at Anna Friel the way he does, I may melt. Great chemistry, those two.

What we learned this week:

1. Ned and Chuck can touch... just not skin to skin. Prepare for cuteness. Loved Chuck's distaste for the back seat and Ned's plexi-glass screen with gloved hand holding slot. Not to mention the kissing through plastic. I expect to see a plethora of inventive new ways to touch, without touching.

2. Olive is channeling Sandy from Grease. The musical number cracked me up, and, as a huge fan of Wicked, made me slightly giddy to see "Galinda" on screen.

3. Professor Landry is a killer, no matter what show he's on.

4. Emerson keeps his reward money in individually knitted cases... anyone have the key to his office?

5. Digby is awesome. Just because...

I am a little stitious.

The Office
4x01: Fun Run
QUOTES
(And boy were there lots of them tonight!)

Tech guy: Yeah, what kind of video?
Pam: (embarassed) A... celebrity sex tape.
Jim: Really? What kind of... celebrity?
Pam: Not relevant.
Jim: How much did you pay for it?
Pam: Not relevant.
Jim: You paid for it!?
Pam: It all happened so fast!

Pam: Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York. I talked him through his break up. It's really nice to be good friends again.

Kevin: Are you kidding me! Pam and Jim are totally hooking up. All they do is smile. They're just keeping it a secret. Right?
Oscar: I don't know. There is no evidence of intimacy. They've been in remarkably good moods, could be other things.
Kevin: Are you kidding me!

Michael: I took her to the hospital, and the doctors tried to save her life. They did the best that they could, and she is going to be okay.
Stanley: What is wrong with you? Why did you have to phrase it like that?

Michael: She has a slight, pelvical fracture.

Michael: Kind of a good news, bad news there. I was able to be on the scene so quickly, because I was in the car that hit her.
Jim: Who was driving?
Pam: (off Michael's silence) Oh, Michael.

Jim: One day Michael came in complaining about a speed bump on the highway. I wonder who he ran over then.

Dwight: It's only Meredith.
Michael: Yeah, it's only Meredith, thank God.

Dwight: Hey, why did you do it?
Michael: It was an accident.
Dwight: Was she talking back?
Michael: No.
Dwight: Got sick of that face? Did she owe you money? Uh oh, is this downsizing? Did she spurn your advances.

Pam: Hey guys, we're all gonna visit Meredith at lunch, and we're kicking in $5 for flowers.
Kevin: Who's we? You and Jim?
Pam: No, um, me and Stanley and Phyllis so far.
Kevin: Oh. I bet Jim goes, too.
Pam: Yeah, I haven't asked him yet.
Kevin: Oh, I bet you ask.
Pam: I was planning on it.
Kevin: I bet you were.

Angela: I have to give her her meds. Pet her. And who will she eat lunch with?
Pam: Can't your other cats keep her company?
Angela: There's bad blood. Jealousies. Cliques.
Pam: Angela! You are the chairman of the Party Planning Committee. I shouldn't even be planning this. It's your job.
Angela. Ugh! Alright!

Michael: So, I need a little treat for the gang, something to win their affections back.
Ryan: Back? Why is that, Michael?
Michael: Well, I ran down Meredith in my car.
Ryan: Ohhh! Did you do it on purpose?
Michael: No, I was being negligent.

Angela: Hey, D?
Dwight: Hey, Monkey, what's up?
Angela: Can you do me a little favor? Go to my place at lunch and give Sprinkles her medicine?
Dwight: Sure.
Angela: I have to visit the alchie.
Dwight: Check to see if she's faking. If a car hit me, it wouldn't crack my pelvis. You know what, I bet she cracked it at home, jumped in front of the car to get some Worker's Comp.
Angela: I wouldn't put it past her.

Pam: I can take three people.
Jim: I can also take three people.
Oscar: (to Kevin) Separate cars.

Michael: Yaaaay, PAM!

Stanley: You cannot be serious. You ran a woman over this morning.
Michael: Everyone inside the car was fine... Stanley!

Michael: Guess what? I have flaws. What are they? Oh, I don't know. I sing in the shower. Sometimes I spend too much time volunteering. Occasionally, I'll hit somebody with my car. So sue me. No... don't... sue me. That's the opposite of the point I'm trying to make.

Michael: I hate hospitals. In my mind, they are... associated with sickness.

Jim: I think she's awake.
Michael: No, she's in a coma.
Nurse: No.

Phyllis: Does it hurt terribly?
Meredith: No, it's not too bad. They had me on a lot of painkillers.
Creed: Oh, really. What kind? Codine? Vicodin? Percosette? Oxycontin? Paladone? What...
Meredith: I have no idea.

Michael: You know what I thought would be sort of fun, is if you forgave me in front of everybody.
Meredith: Michael, I'm not gonna do that.
Michael: 'Cause, you know what they say in the Bible, about forgiveness? Forgiveness, is next to godliness.
Angela: That's not...

Michael: Do I need to be liked? Absolutely not. I like to be liked. I enjoy being liked. I have to be liked. But it's not like this, compulsive need to be liked, like my need to be praised.

Dwight: Hey, Monkey.
Angela: Any problems?
Dwight: Well, you left the TV on. And your cat is dead.
Angela: What!
Dwight: Sparkles, the white one...
Angela: (crying) Sprinkles.
Dwight: Is dead. That was the sick one, right?
Angela: (crying) Uh huh. I... thought she had more time.
Dwight: Nope.
Angela: Did she... look... when you saw her... how was she looking?
Dwight: Really dead. Like a, just a, dead cat. So... Hey, come on. Don't be sad. Just, okay... she's in a better place. Actually, the place that she's in is the freezer. Because of the odor.

Pam: Michael, Angela's cat died.
Michael: Sprinkles?

Michael: This office is cursed! And we need to do something about it!

Michael: Well, I am taking responsibility. And it is up to me, to get rid of the curse that hit Meredith with my car. I'm not superstitious, but I am a little stitious.

Michael: Did anyone do anything involving an Indian burial ground?
Oscar: Like what?
Michael: Like park on it. Or dig up a body. Toby, you have anything you want to tell us?
Toby: No. I did not violate an Indian burial ground. In fact, I had some good luck recently. Alfredo's pizza picked my business card of the basket, so I get a week of free pies.
Michael: Perfect. So our tragedy is your good luck. Satan.

Angela: Sprinkles never hurt a soul. God, in your infinite wisdom, how can you do this? She wasn't ready. She had so much left to accomplish.
Dwight: It is only a cat.
Angela: You never... you don't like them.
Dwight: Cats do not provide milk. Or wool, or meat.

Michael: I would now like to talk about each of your individual religious beliefs.
Toby: Oh. Michael, you can't ask about religious beliefs.
Michael: Satan (pointing at Toby), is a master of lies. Everything he says is the opposite.
Toby: Alright. Then you can ask about religious beliefs.
Michael: Thank you for the permission. Psych!

Creed: I've been involved in a number of cults. Both as a leader and a follower. You have more fun as a follower, but make more money as a leader.

Michael: Kelly, you are Hindu, so you believe in Buddha.
Kelly: That's Buddhists.
Michael: Are you sure?
Kelly: No.

Michael: You spend your whole life, trying to get people to like you. And then you run over one person with your car... and it's not even one of the popular ones... and everybody gets on your case. Doesn't make any sense. God is dead.
Kelly: If there was a God, then Ryan and I would be married by now.
Michael: Maybe believing in God was a mistake. What did people believe in before? The sun. Maybe there's some sort of animal, that we can make a sacrifice to. Like... a giant buffalo, or some sort of monster, like something with the body of a walrus, with the head of a sea lion. Or something with the body of an egret, with the head of a mere cat, or... just... the head of a monkey, with the antlers of a reindeer, with the body of... a porcupine.
Jim: I will do some research.
Pam: Let me help you with that.

Michael: I know a lot of you are very upset with me, for endangering Meredith's life, by hitting her, with my car, but it may make you feel a little bit better to know, that Dwight endangered her life by putting a garbage bag over her head that had a bat in it.
Jim: Six and one, really.
Michael: Turns out, Meredith has been exposed to Rabies, which is like 10 times worse, than a little crack in your pelvis. Thanks to me, she went to the hospital, and I saved her life. Curse is broken. Curse is broken, people! Ohhh, there is a God, and he has a plan for us, after all.

Michael: Is there a God? If not, then what are all these churches for? And who is Jesus's dad?

Kevin: Oh, well. If they aren't together now, then they probably never will be. I thought they'd be good together, like PB & J. Pam Beesly and Jim. What a waste! What. A. Waste.

Pam: I told you I'm not dating anyone. And even if I was, I don't think it's anyone's business. I mean, when I do fall in love, like when it's for real, the last person I'm gonna talk about it to, is a camera crew, or my coworkers. Almost marrying Roy Anderson, is as close to Pamela Anderson as I ever want to be. Trust me, when I fall in love, you'll know.

Michael: Hi Stankley, how many sponsors so far?
Stanley: Zero.

Angela: This is Halloween last year. Just a couple of kittens. Out on the town.

Angela: (to Pam) I’m having relationship problems. And since you’re always having relationship problems, I thought you’d be able to give me some advice.

Jim: So what’s your strategy for this race?
Pam: Well, I’m going to start fast. Then I’m going to run fast in the middle. Then I’m going to end fast.
Jim: Why won’t more people do that?
Pam: ‘Cause they’re stupid.

Pam: Yeah, I gave him a ride home because … we’re dating.
Jim: Wow. There it is.
Pam: Yeah. We haven’t told anybody, but it’s going really great. Right?
Jim: It is going really great.

Michael: I always imagined it with a giant check.
Jim: Yeah, I mean personally, I am definitely on board with the giant check.
Pam: Giant check it is.
Dwight: I don’t know. On the other hand, it does leave less money for bat birth control.

Pam: There is no such thing as a rabies doctor.

Michael: Have you met that kid? Not going to college.

Pam: Michael, 5K means five kilometers, not five thousand miles.

Pam: So I closed the door, but the image of his …
Jim: Baguette.
Pam: … dangling participle …
Jim: Ooh.
Pam: … still burned in my eyes.

Pam: On average, how many hours a day do you spend naked in your office?

Pam: I didn’t see where it started, but I saw where it ended.
Jim: Gross.

Pam: They say if you’re nervous around someone, you should picture them naked. I do not recommend this strategy. Try picturing them with more clothes on. Or a funny coat.

Jim: Oh, I’m sorry. Is this a working office? And not a French beach?

Michael: Myth: Three Americans every year die from rabies. Fact: Four Americans every year die from rabies.

Jim: Ooo, an estate sale. Wanna go in?
Pam: I don't know, I'm really committed to winning.
Jim: Okay, but what if I told you that all the money you spend here, goes to preventing a disease that's already been cured?
Pam: Mmm... yes.
Jim: That's what I thought.
Pam: Yeah.
Jim: Right? Let's do some good.

Pam: You have reached the offices of Dunder Mifflin Scranton. Currently the entire staff is out doing the Michael Scott D.M.S.M.P.M.C. Rabies Awareness Pro-Am Fun Run Race.
Michael: For The Cure.
Pam: Leave a message.

Andy: Gah! Watch the nipples, Kevin!

Dwight: Are you feeling better?
Angela: No.
Dwight: Well, you look cute as a button.

Angela: Cat heaven is a beautiful place. But you don’t get there if you’re euthanized!

Pam: I know you, Michael. I saw you naked.
Michael: You don’t know me. You’ve just seen my penis.

House: 4x01

HOUSE

4x01
Alone
SEASON 4 PREMIERE

What with the title of the episode, I feel it appropriate to feature Hugh - minus the rest of the cast - in this week's recap photo. Plus, I love him.

Where to begin, friends? Should I focus on the joy a new season brings to my little heart? Should I lament the absence of Chase, Cameron and Foreman from this week's episode? Or, I don't know... laugh with glee at the prank Wilson played on House? I choose option 3.

We see House, living life without his ducklings and completely unwilling to hire a new team. So much so that he brings in a janitor and hilariously names him, Dr. Buffer, even sending him to deal with patients in his stead. Cuddy is not a fan and, once again, she and Wilson have varying opinions on how to deal with Greg when he's being... *ahem* difficult. I'm siding with Wilson tonight, out of sheer love for his creativity. Knowing just where to hit, Wilson steals House's guitar, sending ransom notes and photos (making it completely obvious the whole time - I loved the paper with letter holes cut in the front), and promising the return of his friend's prized possession - after he interviews new fellowship candidates. You can imagine how well this goes over with House, who in turn, kidnaps one of Wilson's patients. Classic. Seeing House and Wilson onscreen together, gives me the same giddy feeling I get when Michael and Toby share a scene on The Office, and sometimes I laugh so hard... I cry. Tonight, for instance, I had to hit the pause button on my Tivo when Wilson (doing his best to be ominous) muttered, "Ever tightened a guitar string really, really slowly? Past the point it can handle the strain? It makes this weird... sound. Almost like a scream. Eeeah. Eeeah." Wilson, you dog. I won't even mention the Telenovela you had on your Tivo. Teehee.

Back at the farm, Cuddy and House resume their, IloveyouIhateyou routine I adore, complete with a Magic 8 Ball and inappropriate comments about Cuddy's Water Bra. They just need to get it over with already. Again (if we believe their little season three exchange). And in the end, it's Cuddy (the enabler) who turns the knife, listing the attributes of Foreman, Chase and Cameron, and how they'd have solved the case for him, "days ago." Of course, she gave him waaaay too much leeway (as usual) when she told him to hire a new team, "I don't care how you do it. Just do it." Cut to House and his girl-guitar, with a roomful of doctors at their "interview."

Ah, Greg, this is why I love you.

Next week: House thinks he's hallucinating when he sees his ducklings back at Princeton-Plainsboro. Let the fun begin.

Weirdness: I saw not one bottle of Vicodin, nor one pill pop, tonight. Veddy, veddy strange.

Veronica Mars: 3x19, 3x20

Veronica Mars

3x19
Weevils Wobble, But They Don't Go Down
&
3x20
The Bitch is Back
SERIES/SEASON 3 FINALE

Genius.

Kristen Bell is a TV goddess and the network shutting her down is really pissing me off. I loved every second "the bitch" was back and found myself thinking what an amazing season 4 we could have. Not a season set four years in the future, but one that picked up where we left off tonight. Jake Kane, people! Jake Kane was back and Veronica was in charge!

Instead, she walked off in the rain... completely unhappy, with nothing resolved.

I seriously think network television needs to rethink its renewal policy. Upfronts should be earlier in the season, giving creators, cast, crew, etc., time to round things out if they discover they won't be returning... if for no other reason than the fans and the people watching, waiting, following the action, getting attached to characters and storyline.

And all I had were questions...
What happened when the list was exposed? Do we see Weevil return to his old ways? Who won the sheriff's race? What happened to Keith? How was Veronica's internship? What about The Castle? The threats from its members?

Nevermind the completely shallow Logan and Veronica lover in me. Yeah, we got a smile and a glimmer of hope at the end... but how do they get back to something? And we knew months ago that Piz had a new show, so how did he exit Neptune? What about Mac? What about Wallace? What about Dick? How do you stop an exploding man... wait, wrong show. Seriously, HOW am I supposed to be okay with this?

Things that stood out tonight:

1. Dick's multiple personalities. From Dickster to crying in 60 seconds. I so love him for it. And seriously, he quoted The Office. This is one of life's great tragedies: we're canceling shows that quote The Office...? And how did I not see that Dick and Michael Scott are one in the same person?

2. Logan, Piz and Veronica at the beach. Awkwaaaard.

3. Weevil!

4. Logan channeling a little Aaron Echolls. At least he apologized to Piz.

5. Veronica. The Bitch was back and taking it on. Intelligent, cool and funny to boot.

I could say more, but it'll just depress me.

I need quotes to make me happy.

Veronica: She has the right to remain famished. (cracks up at herself)

Dick: Who you talkin’ to?
Logan: Parker.
Dick: Park ‘er? I don’t even know her.

Dick: This new wetsuit’s like a cheap motel. No ballroom.

Mac: I feel so bad for Wallace. He needs more thrust. (Dick laughs)
Logan: Don’t say it.
Dick: That’s what she said.

Veronica: I guess you’re all asking yourself why I called this meeting. What? That’s comedy gold.

Piz: I guess he was pissed about that thing that happened at the beach. I think he still likes you.

Veronica: Dick, get out here.
Dick: (in a small voice) What’s up, V?
Veronica: If you had to bet?
Dick: Look, from a guy’s perspective, the video just made your stock go up. You looked great. Enthusiasm? Always a plus.
Veronica: It’s like, you’re this giant, jackass piñata, begging for someone to be the candy out of you.

Veronica: After all these years, do you not instinctively fear me? Maybe you should write yourself a note.

Veronica: You are going to be sooo popular in hell.

It's a date.

The Office
3x23: The Job
Quotes

Michael: I have got it made in the shade. I know this company. The other branch managers are total morons. (On phone) Hey, Pam, yeah. I forgot what day the interview was, and I drove to New York accidentally. Be, like, three hours late.

Kevin: What’s different about you? You look worse.
Meredith: He got a haircut. It’s sexy hot.
Jim: Ohhh...
Meredith: Turn around.
Jim: No thanks.
Meredith: Do it!
Andy: What’s up, Big Haircut? You are no longer Big Tuna. From henceforth, you shall be known as Big Haircut.

Jim: Karen suggested that I get a haircut. For the interview tomorrow. So that I could look presentable. And not, as she so lovingly puts it, homeless.

Pam: After I had my little outburst at the beach, Jim was really nice about it. He just basically said that, he missed my friendship, too, and I would always mean a lot to him, and I understand where he’s coming from. For the record, I am not embarrassed at all. It needed to be said, and I said it. And it only took me three years to summon the courage. So … (bows) thank you.

Michael: Please hand this letter of congratulations to Dwight K. Schrute.
Dwight: But that’s my name. (Reads letter) “Dwight, congratulations, a-wipe. Don’t screw the pooch.”

Pam: Um, about the beach.
Karen: It’s okay. We all say things without thinking.
Pam: Oh no, it’s not that. I’ve actually been thinking that for a long time. And I’m glad I said it. I just, I’m sorry if it made you feel weird.
Karen: Oh. Okay.

Kevin: So Jim, who do you think is hotter, Pam or Karen?
Jim: Yeah, I’m not going to talk about this now.
Kevin: Pam is taller.
Jim: You sure?
Kevin: Yes. She has bigger breasts, too.
Jim: Wow.
Kevin: But I think Karen has a prettier face.
Jim: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. What else?
Kevin: Well, I mean, Pam’s face is really pretty too. It’s a very tough call.
Jim: Really tough call.
Kevin: Yeah.
Jim: You know what? Why don’t you take the rest of the day, figure it out, and then come back, and tell me what you got.
Kevin: Will do.
Jim: All right.
Kevin: Yes

Kate: You know what? Don’t even worry about it. Everyone was so drunk, I bet no one even remembers what you said.
Creed: I remember. I blogged the whole thing.

Creed: www.creedthoughts.gov.www\creedthoughts. Check it out.

Ryan: Last year, Creed ask me how to set up a blog. Wanting to protect the world from being exposed to Creed’s brain, I opened up a Word document on his computer, and put an address at the top. I’ve read some of it. Even for the Internet, it’s … pretty shocking.

Dwight: Jim, Jim, Jim. Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim, Jim.
Jim: Oh, hey, Dwight.
Dwight: I’m going to be your new boss. It’s my greatest dream come true. Welcome to the Hotel Hell. Check-in time is now. Check-out time is never.
Jim: Does my room have cable?
Dwight: No. And the sheets are made of fire!
Jim: Can I change rooms?
Dwight: Sorry, we’re all booked up. Hell convention in town.
Jim: Can I have a late check-out?
Dwight: I’ll have to talk to the manager.
Jim: You’re not the manager? Even in your own fantasy?
Dwight: I’m the owner. The co-owner. With Satan.
Jim: Okay, just so I understand it. In your wildest fantasy, you are in hell. And you are co-running a bed and breakfast with the devil.
Dwight: Yeah, but I haven’t told you my salary yet.
Jim: Go.
Dwight: $80,000 a year.

Dwight: Once I’m officially regional manager, my first order of business will be to demote Jim Halpert. So I will need a new number two. My ideal choice? Jack Bauer. But he is unavailable. Fictional. And overqualified.

Pam: No, it’s fine. I’m sure it must have been weird for Jim when Roy and I were joking around. That one time.

Creed: I find it offensive. Au natural, baby. That’s how I like ‘em. Swing low, sweet chariots.

Pam: I’m happy for him. I hope he gets the job. I really just want him to be happy. And I know that sounds cliche, and I know saying it sounds cliche sounds cliche. Maybe I’m being cliche, I don’t care. ‘Cause I am what I am. (Thinks about it) That’s Popeye.

Andy: I am a great interviewee. Why? Because I have something no one else has. My brain. Which I use to my advantage, when advantageous.

Michael: Your advice was good, but Jan’s was bigger.

Pam: So you would be the regional manager, and the assistant regional manager, Andy is your number two, I would be the secret assistant regional manager.
Dwight: Mmm, let’s call it secret assistant to the regional manager.
Pam: Mm-hmm.
Dwight: Do you accept?
Pam: Absolutely I do.

Dwight: Don’t you want to earn Schrute bucks?
Stanley: No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.
Dwight: What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?
Stanley: The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.

Karen: Wow. That was some serious, hardcore, self-destruction.

Jan: I could wear stretch pants and wait for you to come home at 5:15.

Pam: No, I don’t know what the future holds, but I’m optimistic. And I had fun goofing around with Dwight today. Jim and I are just too similar. Maybe one day I’ll find my own Karen. But, you, that is a, um, you know, not … a man. A man version. But uh, until then, I can hold my head up. I’m not gay.

Jim: So is the question how’d I get to be so awesome?

Jim: How are your feet?
Pam: Medium rare. Thanks.
Jim: The real reason that I went to Stamford was because I wanted to be … not here.
Pam: I know.
Jim: And even though I came back, I just feel like I’ve never really come back.
Pam: Well I wish you would.

Pam: I haven’t heard anything. But I bet Jim got the job. I mean, why wouldn’t he? He’s totally qualified, and smart, everyone loves him. And if he never comes back again, that’s okay. We’re friends. And I’m sure we’ll stay friends. We just … we never got the timing right, you know? I shot him down, and then he did the same to me, but you know what? It’s okay. I am totally fine. Everything is going to be totally …

Jim: Pam. (To camera) Sorry. Um, are you free for dinner tonight?
Pam: Yes.
Jim: All right. Then it’s a date.
Pam: (Smiling back to camera) I’m sorry, what was the question?

Kelly: Who was that?
Ryan: Nobody. You and I are done.
Kelly: What?!