Okay, I'll call the real police.

The Office
3x21: Women's Appreciation
Quotes

Jim: Oh, what's this.
Dwight: That is a demerit.
Jim: Jim Halpert, tardiness. Ugh, I love it already.
Dwight: You've gotta learn, Jim. You are second in command, but that doesn't put you above the law.
Jim: Oh, I understand. And, I also have lots of questions like, what does a demerit mean?
Dwight: Let's put it this way, you do not want to receive three of those.
Jim: Lay it on me.
Dwight: Three demerits and you'll receive a citation.
Jim: Now that sounds serious.
Dwight: Oh, it is serious. Five citations and you're looking at a violation. Four of those and you'll receive a verbal warning. Keep it up, and you're looking at written warning. Two of those, that'll land you in a world of hurt, in the form of a disciplinary review, written up by me and placed on the desk of my immediate superior.
Jim: Which would be me.
Dwight: That is correct.
Jim: Okay. I want a copy on my desk by the end of the day or you will receive a full disadulation.
Dwight: What's a dis... what's that?
Jim: Oh, you don't wanna know.

Jim: Okay, I'll call the real police.

Creed: The guy was just hanging brain, I mean, what's all the fuss? If that's flashing, then lock me up.

Michael: Phyllis, you say?
Angela: What is so funny?
Michael: I mean, did he even see Pam? Or Karen... from behind?

Toby: What's going on, there's a police car in the...
Michael: What? Oh, booooo.

Dwight: Due to a recent incident involving Phyllis, a man, a map and his penis - I think you know what I'm referring to - Michael has authorized me to form an emergency, anti-flashing, task force.
Jim: Question. Won't that interfere with your other task forces?

Dwight: Pam, you can draw. Kind of. Why don't you work with Phallus on drawing a picture of the exposer that I can post around the community.
Pam: Phallus?
Dwight: Phyllis. Sorry. I've got penises on the brain.

Pam: I don't often miss Roy, but I can tell you one thing... I wish someone had flashed me when I was with Roy. Because that would have been the ass-kicking of the year. Especially if it had been Jim. He would not have wanted me to see Jim's... whew, I'm... I am saying a lot of things.

Dwight: Attention. I am removing all bananas from the kitchen.

Michael: If Pam wants to show more cleavage, she should be able to. I encourage that.

Dwight: You know what, why doesn't Oscar run the meeting, he's a homosexual.
Jim: Why don't you run the meeting, you play with dolls.

Phyllis: Michael, when I got my hair cut short, you asked me if I was a lesbian.
Michael: 'Cuz wha... That was one possible explanation as to why you got that haircut.

Dwight: I plan on plastering this pervert's face everywhere. You can run, but you cannot hide.

Pam: Michael. You shouldn't be with someone who doesn't make you happy.
Michael: I'm happy sometimes. When... we scrapbook. Or, right toward the end of having sex.
Karen: Most relationships have their rough patches, you just have to push through it sometimes.
Michael: Yeah, that's smart.
Pam: Maybe, but it sounds like you're just wrong for each other.

Kevin: We should do this much more often.
Toby: I think we're hanging out an appropriate amount of time.

Jim: That is pretty cool.

Dwight: Dunder-Mifflin Paper, slash sex predator hotline, this is Dwight Schrute.

Jim: I have information about the sex predator.
Dwight: You have information about the sex predator?
Jim: I saw him, two minutes ago.
Dwight: Where?
Jim: In the women's bathroom, above the sink.
Dwight: Anti-flashing task force. Above the sink... above the sink... PAM!