Jim: There’s this cube on the screen that bounces around all day, and sometimes, it looks like it’s headed right into the corner of the screen and at the last minute, it hits a wall and bounces away. And we are all just dying to see it go right into the corner. (shakes head) Pam claims that she saw it one day, when she was alone in the conference room. Okay. I believe she thinks she saw it.
Pam: I saw it! I saw it, and it was amazing! Who said I didn’t see it? Did Jim say that I didn’t see it? I saw it!
Michael: Today’s the big day that I’m heading to
Jim: Whoops. Is that really what Ryan wanted you to tell us?
Michael: The website is a brainchild of my brainchild, Ryan. It is my brain grandchild.
Kelly: That’s from Ryan? Does it mention if he’s seeing anybody?
Michael: No, it doesn’t. I’ll find out tonight.
Pam: Dwight mercy killed Angela’s cat. It’s very complicated. It’s caused a lot of unpleasantness between Dwight and Angela. Who were both already prone to unpleasantness.
Andy: And then I will say something positive, like “kudos” or “job well done.”
Jim: Or “zip-a-dee-doo-dah.”
Andy: I can’t tell if he’s mocking me.
Dwight: Just ignore him.
Andy: Can’t do that. It’s really hard for me to let things go.
Jim: I was. Mocking.
Andy: Thank you.
Dwight: I just feel like we need something more to acknowledge when I make a sale.
Andy: Yes! Like a chime or a bell…
Jim: Or a gong.
Dwight: Go to my car. Open the trunk. Inside, you will see many pelts. Under the smallest one is a case. Inside that case is a bear horn. Bring it to me.
Phyllis: Angela is worse than usual lately, and we have a party to throw. So I Googled, (whispering) ‘How to deal with difficult people,’ and I got all of this. So we’re gonna try out some new things today.
Phyllis: So how do you feel about the fact that the banner says “lunch”?
Angela: I feel angry. Angry at you. Angry at you for doing something stupid. Angry at me for believing you could do something not stupid.
Phyllis: I’m so sorry to hear that, that must be awful.
Michael: Wow, easy, booster seat, nobody cares about this party anyway.
Jim: What would you say if I told you we could pull a prank on Dwight, and at the same time, not be working? What?
Pam: He’s going through a break up.
Jim: Yeah, I’m aware of that, but he’s also being super annoying, and… I’m not a perfect person.
Dwight: [airhorn] Woohoo! Three reams! In your face, machines!
Pam: What kind of prank are you thinking?
DunMiff/sys (Jim): Not sure. Just became self-aware. So much to figure out. I think I am programmed to be your enemy. I think it is my job to destroy you when it comes to selling paper.
Dwight: How do I know this isn’t Jim?
DunMiff/sys (Pam): What is a Jim?
Dwight: It appears that the website has become alive. This happens to computers and robots sometimes.
Dwight: I did so well last February, that Corporate gave me two plaques in lieu of a pay raise.
Pam: Yes, it’s too tight.
Kelly: Waaaay too tight.
Oscar: Really? This is why I’m here?
Kelly: Why is it so tight?
Michael: It’s European cut.
Michael: How many pounds do you think I could lose by 7?
Michael: Do I have your permission to invite Carol?
Andy: Okay, why don’t you just lay off, lady?
Michael: So, this is the dealio. God has smiled on me and given me two tickets to the big party in
Jim: Sure, we’ll go.
Michael: Alright, well, fight it out amongst yourselves. I was thinking Pammy, but boy’s night out is also good.
Jim: Wait, I’m sorry…
Pam: One of the tickets is for him.
Michael: Just let me know who the winner is.
Pam and Jim: Not it.
Pam: I won.
Jim: Definitely not. If anything, it was a tie.
Pam: Tie goes to the girlfriend.
DunMiff/sys (Jim): While you were typing that, I searched every database in existence, and learned every fact about everything. And mastered the violin. And sold more paper.
Phyllis: I want to understand what you’re saying, but it’s difficult for me when you use that tone.
Angela: Phyllis, these are spoons. Spoons have rounded tops, and are used to scoop things. What we need are forks. Which have prongs, or tiny spears on top. And we need knives, which have blades. Do you understand me now?
Michael: Alright, I’m ready to go and I’m calling shotgun.
Jim: I’m driving.
Michael: Yes. Thank you.
Jim: Alright, let me just say goodbye to Pam.
Michael: Oh yeah, you better, you better say goodbye to Pam. (in a high voice) Bye. I love you. (makes smooching noises)
Michael: It’s a club called Chatroom, and there’s a password to get in, which is actually, “password.”
Michael: What are you doing?
Jim: Um, that, is an invitation to an online party.
Jim: Are there three W’s at the beginning of the address?
Angela: How do you tell someone it’s over? You send them a notarized letter, right? Well what if the recipient is your notary?
Angela: I would like to have a relationship with a man.
Pam: Um… I’ll get back to you.
Dwight: I think you should date Kelly.
Andy: How is that any different, she works here, too.
Dwight: Uh, she works in the annex. You’re also welcome to date Toby.
Andy: They say you should never mix business with pleasure. Really. Well then explain to me how a putt-putt golf company operates.
Michael: I’m not kidnapping him. I am keeping him until I get what I want.
Jim: As a hostage.
Michael: I think you’re over-thinking it.
Jim: I think you’re under-thinking it.
Jim: Hey, quick question. If I take a pizza, do you think you could take some sodas and some napkins up to the roof?
Pam: I’m all over it.
Jim: Do you remember what you said to me, on my first day of work, before you walked me toward my desk?
Pam: Yeah. Enjoy this moment, because you’re never going to go back to this time before you met your desk mate, Dwight.
Jim: And that’s when I knew. You?
Pam: You came up to my desk and you said, “This might sound weird, and there’s no reason for me to know this, but that mixed berry yogurt you’re about to eat has expired.”
Jim: That was the moment that you knew you liked me?
Jim: Wow. Can we make it a different moment?
Michael: Hey, I just think you should know that one of my salesmen beat your stupid computer, so take that ***hole.