What do you do when your favorite television show airs an absolute gem of an episode and then goes off the air indefinitely?
I chose to put off watching it as long as possible, because honestly, this week was funny, heartfelt and a little bit of everything I love about Dunder Mifflin, but it wasn't anything akin to a season finale. I refuse to accept it as a season finale. Or acknowledge it as one. The entire 22 minutes, all I could think was - what if The Strike steals my season. Where will it pick up next year? Will they skip all those months ahead? What about the tease we were given for the next episode - the one where they had their best table read ever?
So, Michael. See, I love him. I really, truly do. From the cold open with the Post-Its (hysterical), to the deposition and his diary, he has absolutely NO social skills, but if you're loyal to him, he's loyal - to an almost creepy fault - to you. It should be interesting to see how (if we ever get to) his actions at the deposition filter down into what he and Jan have going on. Plus, I laughed for days at some of his lines (see quotes post) - and then, the pushing Toby's tray off the table. CLASSIC. You know I love some Michael/Toby hate and just when poor Toby was sharing his heart ... Michael reconfirms all the reasons why Toby asked Kelly what it felt like to slap her boss.
Jim and Pam are still the cutest. And even if her boyfriend is 12, Pam has it a million times better than Kelly, who has to resort to talking smack - not trash - in order to feel good about her relationship. And the guys, all they wanted to do was play... I definitely enjoyed the Dwight commentary and expertise on the game and the tag at the end with him and Mose was hysterical. Alas, if I dwell to long on any of this goodness, it makes my heart ache with emptiness.
Jan: We went over it carefully … and just so that we wouldn’t leave anything up to chance or Michael’s judgement.
Pam: Sometimes I bring him juice. My boyfriend is twelve.
Kelly: What has two skinny chicken legs and sucks at ping pong?
Kelly: I don’t talk trash. I talk smack. They’re totally different. Trash talk is all hypothetical, like, “Your momma is so fat, she could eat the Internet.” But smack talk is, happening like, right now. Like, “you’re ugly and I know it for a fact, ’cause I got the evidence. Right there.”
Pam: Kelly's trash talking me because Darryl's beating you.
Jim: What? Seriously? What's she saying.
Kelly: Your boyfriend is so weak, he needs steroids just to watch baseball.
Kelly: Were Jim’s parents first cousins that were also bad at ping pong?
Jim: Bring me players.
Michael: Are you renewing your divorce vows before my deposition?
Toby: Michael I'm your HR rep. I'm on your side.
Michael: Never. I want him gone. I don't talk until he leaves.
Jan: People underestimate Michael. There are plenty of things that he is well above average at.
Lawyer: How long have you known the plaintiff?
Michael: I haven’t actually seen it, but I have seen The Firm, and I’m planning on renting The Pelican Brief.
Lawyer: How long have you known Ms. Levinson?
Michael: Six years and two months.
Lawyer: And you were directly under her the entire time?
Michael: That’s what she said.
Lawyer: Excuse me?
Michael: (slowly) That’s what she said.
Michael: Come again? That’s what she said.
Michael: Delivery’s all wrong. She’s butchering it.
Lawyer: Did Ms. Levinson ever say why she thought she was being fired?
Michael: She thought it had to do with the twins. That's what, I call them.
Lawyer: Can you be more specific. Who are the twins?
Michael: To be delicate, they hang off milady’s chest. They … make milk.
Lawyer: You don’t have to go any further.
Michael: And frankly, the timing was nothing short of predominant.
Michael: Well, it depends on how you define “begin.”
Lawyer: I’m sorry, what?
Executive: He asked for a line, like in a play.
Court reporter: [reading transcript] Mr. Scott do you realize you just contradicted yourself. I did? Yes you did. Can I go to the bathroom? No. I really have to I've been drinking lots of water. You went five minutes ago. That wasn't to go to the bathroom that was to get out of a question. You still have to answer it. First can I go to the bathroom. No.
Michael: I throw myself at the mercy of the deposition.
Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “Tan almost everywhere. Jan almost everywhere. Hee hee.”
Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “More tomorrow. XOXO, Michael.”
Toby: Um … could you make it 11?
Lawyer (reading Michael’s diary): “Just as hot as Jan, but in a different way.”
Michael (reading Jan’s statement): “I am out of carrots. I am out of sticks.”
Dwight: He has gone from completely hopeless to simply miserable.
Dwight: He works here, dumb ass.
Lawyer (reading David Wallace’s statement): “What do you want me to say? C’mon, he’s a nice guy.”
Kelly: The floppy-haired girl you date won a point.
Michael: You expect to get screwed by your company. But you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.